Solo Performance

Alzheimer’s is the most common cause of Dementia. ” During the course of the disease, proteins build up in the brain to form structures called ‘plaques’ and ‘tangles’. This leads to the loss of connections between nerve cells, and eventually to the death of nerve cells and loss of brain tissue.” (Society, 2016)

Those with Alzheimer’s also struggle to create important chemicals in their brain, these chemicals help the transmission of messages within the brain, without this, messages are not transmitted as effectively as they should be; this causes the thoughts and memories of those with alzheimer’s to become jumbled. Where do the memories go? Are they lost or are they simply difficult to recall?? Do we ever find them again or is it a case of a los and forgotten moment of time?

Although the most common of dementia’s Alzheimer’s is still in the early stages of testing. Medications have been produced which are found to lengthen the process and keep the mind as healthy as possible for as long as possible but nothing has been found yet, that will cure such an illness. As a society we lack the knowledge as to how many people really suffer through such a disease and the strain it is on not only the family, friends and carers with whom are extraordinary for their work and constant helping. But we must look further into how the actual person feels. DO they know they are losing their memory, do they feel like they have forget something or has it simply been swiped from their whole knowledge. Do they know how they are existing on this world, or are they unaware that what they used to do as a young boy or girl they are no longer doing and in fact they may simply be sat in bed or in a chair thinking about the only things they can remember, their childhood.

My Granda has Alzheimer’s and this is what spurred me to create a piece about the disease. I want to explore the depth of memories and how such a small memory fro some can be all that someone else is left with. My Granda once said to me after a difficult day of looking after him to not worry, he was still here, he was simply struggling to find his reality. In this moment he didn’t talk of loss, fear nor embarrassment. He spoke as he used to when he used to work, he spoke with honesty, certainty, strength and power. He was my Granda, and for that moment in time I could recognise him myself. Although what he said come seem to others as a chill of time past, to me it was a break, an understanding as if to say I know everything you are doing and I completely understand that it is difficult, its never going to be easy but I appreciate that you are here, I appreciate your help and I want you to always remember that I am here. I may seem lost or not with it at certain parts of my life but who doesn’t? I am not always going to have everything together but just know that I am still in here, I am still your Granda and I still respect you more than you ever know. All that I can ask is that you respect me as well. Of course it is scary but I still think, it simply may be in the wrong order, but at those times I find myself I enjoy them and I engross myself as much as I can.

If this does not settle someone’s mind I’m afraid I am not sure what will.

Society, A. (2016). What is Alzheimer’s disease? – Alzheimer’s Society. [online] Alzheimers.org.uk. Available at: https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/site/scripts/documents_info.php?documentID=100 [Accessed 7 Mar. 2016].

There’s something intriguing yet frightening about standing in front of an audience and talking directly to them, do you plan exactly what to say? Do you improvise around a subject or characters? Do you always know what you want out of the performance or does it depend on the audience?

I almost find myself wondering whether I can actually perform in front of my fellow class mates without a script or true idea of what I would like to achieve from my performance. Yet sometimes by being chucked out there you create some of the best work you have done or you find yourself performing in a way you never thought you were able to do. I pick my 3 hats and the only idea left in my head is to take everyone back home with me, to show them the different characters you walk past when walking down a street in Newcastle. I found this task extremely difficult, whether because I was afraid of what I may produce or the reaction from my audience I can not put my finger on what the problem was, yet when I began I just went with it. I didn’t think about what I was doing or what I was saying I simply thought about that person and what they would say, how they would speak, what would they do with their body and their physicality? I believe by doing this, by allowing myself to get lost with the character I created something so much better than if I had completely planned what I was going to say for each of the 3 characters. However what is to think about is how you automatically perform. Why do a lot of performers feel the need to go to humour? Does this build our confidence as performers as we are able to hear if they are enjoying it or not? Maybe the next time I perform in front of the class I should attempt something serious? Push myself to see whether I am afraid to perform serious situations or whether I just automatically go to humour for security.

 

This is the beginning of my process of creating a solo performance. I am scared, excited, fearful of my ideas and audi9ence but cannot wait to begin. I have one idea in mind, one idea I have thought about for a while. The idea of Alzheimer’s, the progression of such a disease and the slow deterioration of someone’s mind. I started by writing a piece about my Granda, to try and get my brain going with ideas. I have done a lot of volunteer work with those with Alzheimer’s and dementia and one of the most upsetting things is when someone talks down to them and those who are helping, caring and watching the decline. Those people who do not understand the depth of the disease and the heartache felt each day. My writing began:

 

If you have never known or seen anyone with this unfortunate disease then do not comment on it. Their ability to remember is stricken, their identity is lost and their personality changed forever. Time no longer means a thing, it is no longer understood. Seconds are minutes, days, months. Everyday activities or humanities are lost. We take each day for granted, the menial tasks we complete without thought, it becomes instinct. But what if that instinct is no longer there? You no longer recognise faces, family members, friends, locations, your own home. You feel lost in the one place which should comfort you. You fear the people which whom should be welcoming to you. You forget where the toilet is or how to go. You forget how to clean yourself or why you should do it in the first place. Overall, you begin to slowly forget yourself. Your speech, movement, your mind.

To be left with piercing eyes which echo the memories you fail to remember. Looking at yourself in the mirror, but seeing an elderly person staring back, fearing a burglar but slowly coming to the realisation that in fact its you. But you are no longer someone you know.

So unless you’ve been their, unless you’ve seen it. Don’t comment because you do not know. You may feel you do, you may have read, have heard or simply acknowledge that this disease is occurring around the world, but you do not understand. And you definitely do not feel the pain and suffering of the person, or loved one watching as their friend of family member slowly begins to fade to an image of a lost soul who once stood proud and strong.

 

Still as I read over my own words I feel that bubble in my throat, the pain of watching someone fall with such a disease. Its times like this I feel strength however. That I know I am doing this performance for a reason, yes their may be a message within it but it is also to help myself. To show my personality and show that people struggle its understandable and completely acceptable. I am definitely going to do a performance about my Granda and Alzheimer’s however it is difficult as no one actually knows my Granda has Alzheimer’s. I do not want to go too personal, I don’t want this performance to be me showing how much it hurts or how upsetting it is. If anything I want to create a piece which shows the deterioration but also shows the hope that is there when you have the right people around you to care for you. One step ahead and 4 steps back I believe. This is the start though.